Half Fast Living @gaillardiapress.com

When a person does something wrong, he should admit his guilt, pay whatever penalty he owes, then move on and try to do better.

The person who did wrong but won’t admit it still pays — often physically and mentally — but everyone else pays, too, from having to listen to all the guilty one’s lies and whining.

The honest person can live with a clearer conscience and stands a better chance of regaining the respect of others than the liar who tries to get away with every damn thing.

A normal human being knows the difference between right and wrong, and what they need to do. Only a horse’s ass or regular ol’ jackass has to be forced to do what’s right all the time.

That old fool will be sorry in the long run; and we who do what’s right will be all the happier and all the healthier, and we will be respected.

Have mercy! Lordy, I’m getting old and falling apart. My eyes are going bad, and I have so many other complaints that I don’t have the strength to list them all. And my bones ache.

I’m in such bad shape that everybody makes fun of me, even friends and neighbors. They see me coming and run. With buds like that, who needs enemas? But I’ve had them, too.

My circle of friends isn’t growing — I’m being surrounded. No, for all they care, I’m already dead. I guess they’re afraid they’ll end up like me, so they’re putting me out of their misery.

But I’ve managed to hang on and spoil their fun. At a certain point, we all gotta believe in something bigger than ourselves. So I believe I’ll just eat some cheese with all this whining.

When things are going well, it’s easy to take good fortune for granted. But then everything goes to hell, and I wonder why this is happening to me.

The larger question — the one that all the big thinkers ponder — is, why do bad things happen to good people? Or, more simply, why me, Lord?

The best comeback is the one that’s hardest to accept — well, other than the old, Hey, just be glad you’re still around to ask that question, ol’ pal.

The honest answer? The only answer? It’s a frustrating, Just ‘cause. And, yes, I know even that response is as ambiguous as an eternity of silence.

Nature is absolute and divine — omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent. Nature is all good.

It speaks to us in great waters and winds. We hear its power in the waterfall and wave, in the thundershower, cyclone and hurricane.

We sense its force in forests that fall, in fires that scorch and scar the earth, in the faulty ground that shakes and quakes and breaks.

Living within the laws of nature lets creatures like us rest in peace, for we know that a cycle, by definition, must turn, turn, turn full circle.

This psalmist should have lived to hear Garth Brooks sing about unanswered prayers, even though this song is about something else — not the loss of an old flame, but the loss of the fire within, or life itself.

This psalm specifically mentions people who say one thing, then do the very opposite, as in speaking out for peace and then going to war. The psalmist says his “Lord” will see what’s going on and will “destroy them / And not build them up,” not in some far-off heaven, but here and now on earth.

Maybe I’m looking at this the wrong way, but is that what’s happening in Ukraine? In the Middle East? In Africa? In Central and South America? If it is, then somebody’s got a whole lot of catching up to do.

I don’t lIke songs about war, especially ones meant to pump us up and send us into battle thinking we’re invincible. That isn’t realistic, no matter how strong our army is or how smart our generals are. In war, people die, whether as combatants or as collateral damage — an arrogant way of saying, innocent bystanders.

It’s also a myth that some higher power cares more about one group of people than another, and gives them victory over their enemies, no matter what. Those people may, in fact, win in battle, but at what cost? How many casualties were innocent victims? How many of their war dead had been told that “God is on our side”?

Furthermore, there’s no promise of reward for martyrs in any heaven, whether one with gold roads and big houses, or one with threescore and twelve young lovers to make death more attractive. There’s just pain, death, more pain, and all the senseless destruction that comes with letting our high and mighty lords lead us.

The psalmist finally sings, “I would have lost heart, unless I had believed / That I would see the goodness of the Lord / In the land of the living.” So this praise singer really did expect to get paid with favors here, not in the land of the dead. But I guess it’s the same way with other war tunes, like “Dixie” and “Over There.”

Some people talk the talk, but don’t walk the walk. That isn’t me. And I don’t mind being tested — what I know, what I do, what I want.

Go ahead; put me on trial. I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth. I’m not into “cults” of crazies, and I don’t tolerate two-faced jerks. I detest grand old posses of money-grubbing hatemongers; I want nothing to do with them.

I mean exactly what I say. I go to gatherings of like-minded people in order to express my thanks and wonder over this glorious land in which we live. But I refuse to “worship” with a crowd of cutthroats who are always up to no good and will do anything for a dadgum buck.

I’ll say it again — I’m gonna do what’s right. Give me some credit. Give me a break. I don’t want to be a member of any club that would have a phony, lying, immoral huckster as a regular member, much less as its president.

In these chaotic times, one must not trust the adages about might making right and good guys always finishing last. Anyone who doesn’t question those primeval cliches should be ashamed.

The universal truth of the iSoul who connects all paths and guides all fellow travelers teaches us that time really is on our side — yes, it is — because the world never has to wait for the sunrise.

It’s been that way since getting our marching orders, when we dusted ourselves off from the Big Bang, rose to our feet, and took an evolutionary walk of trial and error — the gait to our survival.

The laws of the universe are reliable if unforgiving, unlike, say, the rules of the road upon which we drive most days, where our highwaymen just whistle and look the other way, until they don’t.

In this world of ours, who fears any lord of discipline? Not the lawless. Not the wealthy and their kind. Only those of us who choose to obey the masters of this glass bead game that we all play.

Wouldn’t we be better off if liars, crooks and thieves would just ‘fess up and save the world a lot of time and trouble? But their “deal with the devil” includes the detail that they can never renege.

That’s no reason, though, to change our bearings on the high road we travel. We may motor up this scenic byway in fits and starts, in the dark or light. But another sunrise is always just ahead.

This whole world is sacred — every blessed inch of ground and every precious particle of matter from the four corners and seven seas of this good earth. And we all are its keepers.

In myth and legend, higher beings dwelled on mountaintops — in “God’s country,” as it were. But who among our lower kind were worth the salt in their veins? Those folks who kept their noses clean? Good, honest people who had positive values and never followed a nattering nabob of negativism — that is, a lying leader?

Yes, but also simple working people — like carpenters, merchants, teachers, fishers and ferrymen — who lived in the most humble or desert places, quaint seaside villages or inner cities where, guilty or innocent, they all died.

This song’s key requires listeners and readers to keep ears and eyes open, to hear and see, with instruments at ready, that the theme and variations in this symphony of life depend not so much on a catchy, recurring tune, but on a firm foundation of harmony and a steady beat.

The iSoul is my Prime membership; I can order everything from A to Z.

My packages — of which I am part and parcel — lie in carrier facilities; they run along a river of conveyors to carriers who brave wind, rain, snow or sleet. My purchases restore my credit; and my rising annual fee ensures two-day, home delivery.

Yes, even though I navigate cyberspace through the shadowy threat of identity theft, I will fear no malicious hack; for the iSoul’s security and loss prevention team has my back; whether the corporate logo is an arrow or a smile, they comfort me.

I can search for, say, the perfect coffee table (but some assembly is required); I can bulk order toiletries and other sundries in which to bathe myself from head to toe; the beverage in my new spill-proof mug stays hot or cold, as the case may be.

My goodness, I’ll stay on Prime ’til I drop, and I will shop at home forever (or vice versa).